


Behind The Mask

by OceanPalace



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bandori Royale, Bandori Royale AU, Budding Love, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death Mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 18:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15612108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceanPalace/pseuds/OceanPalace
Summary: A lot had changed since then.Kanon could no longer walk outside alone without fear of abandonment. Kaoru could no longer sleep peacefully without the memory of spilled blood crossing her mind every night.But that was why they stayed by each other's side.





	Behind The Mask

**Author's Note:**

> it me
> 
> honest to god man, i needed a break from the chapter fic.  
> and what better way to take a break from a chapter fic about a killing game than with another fic about a killing game!
> 
> put me out of my misery... i did this for you, ailyn...
> 
> anyway! this AU is created by @BandoriRoyale (Twitter) and i couldn't resist giving into the suffering.  
> my writing is shit, but i try... don't bully me. please.
> 
> regardless, this is small and not much of a brainer other than it's cheesy, but hey! why not. enjoy!

 

A lot had changed since then.  
  
Even if water still tasted the same, even if the sun peered brilliantly through the sky on most days, things couldn’t quite go back to the way they used to be.  
Kanon found herself waking, enveloped by the morning sun streaming in through the windows, trying to remind herself of what was real and what wasn’t. Despite their survival game having ended years ago, no amount of warmth would be able to calm the chill she would feel at the mere memory of it. It had all been so bizarre, right out of a survival-horror novel; but it was so unfortunately real, right down the marrow of her bones she could still feel the aching desperation to live in the air.  
  
She had faith that no one could betray their friends, that their bonds were stronger than a chance at fame. Maybe that had been naïve thinking on her end.  
After all, once they came across trails of blood from just beyond the stage, the stench of blood overwhelming their senses, it was too late to beg for blissful ignorance.  
  
Even so, those pair of arms kept her safe, secure in an embracing lock.  
  
The same arms that held her close at night, almost afraid to let go; as if the sea would open up and steal her away, swallow her whole and wrap her into the freezing depths of the ocean, despite her struggle to keep the other safe.  
  
The thought made her heart warm in genuine affection at her lover’s intentions, but it was also smothered in melancholy.  
  
A quiet stir resounded from the other, long violet hair a disgraceful but endearing mess, even as she childishly whined for Kanon’s morning touch. Her eyes scrunched in response to the light pouring in, radiating off the white bedsheets, a lazy arm reached for the girl with hair as blue as the afternoon sky.  
Said girl wordlessly made the task less of a struggle, shifting her body closer to the other as fingers carelessly brushed by the dip of her stomach.  
  
“ _Kaoru?"_  
  
Crimson eyes fluttered open in no time for the sole purpose of meeting her lover’s, as a tiny stifled gasp escaped her. A faint blush permeated her skin at the surprising mention of her name, arousing a small bubbling laugh from Kanon, her frame eclipsing the sunlight. “…I see you’re still not used to me calling you without honorifics, huh?”  
  
An amused smile played on her lips as she’s almost _certain_ that Kaoru is short-circuiting.    
  
“H- _Hime_ … it’s not fair to do that to me first thing in the morning…” Slurred words escaped despite a nervous smile, almost timid and shy, washing over her. It was funny how Kanon became the one to see this rare expression more than anyone else. It was her own cherished treasure; pulling out the camera of her mind each time to take a photograph through the lens of her eyes and lock it deep within her memories. Then she would destroy the key, so that nothing in the darkest crevices of her mind could ever steal it from her. She’d already lost too much.  
  
  
But that was why they had chosen to stand by each other, wasn’t it?  
  
Over the years, the two of them had come to terms with their mutual feelings, their trauma, their desire to recover.  
  
  
A quiet promise, wrapped under the blanket of a starry-lit sky beyond the jail cell ceiling, the cosmos unbeknownst to the chaos and bloodshed beneath it.    
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Kanon could still remember, distinctly, the fear that hung in the air during the killing game.  
The fear that became a toxin, invaded her body and ran through her bloodstream like a poisonous miasma. It was difficult to think through a muddled mental state without Misaki’s guidance. It was difficult to function with little to eat or drink. It was difficult to stay optimistic without the personalities of Kokoro or Hagumi by her side. Nothing but sweat, exhaustion, and fear stuck to her skin.  
  
She could only push forward through the forest tirelessly, trying to find her friends, trying to stay alive in a seemingly hopeless situation. She knew that she should have faith in them, she knew that they would be alright.  
  
Rather, the only one she didn’t have faith in, was herself.

The girl had never felt more lost, more lonely in her life.  
That feeling was a phantom in itself, so much that it brought a weakness that Kanon was never familiar with. An insecurity she’d felt long before she had the opportunity to meet and befriend her band members.  
  
Despite the few things that she did, Kanon hated it.  
  
The anxiety was overwhelming, so much that it finally brought her to her knees as her legs finally gave out from hours of searching. Using the last of her strength, she crawled through the unkempt grass, soiling her clothes and skin, over to a crooked tree. Leaning against the aged bark, she began to sift through her bag, as her stomach protested loudly due to her negligence. Kanon had done a good job preserving her materials, not bothering to spare a glance to her weapon, but using the water and bread as they’d been supplied rather carefully.  
There was no telling when this whole ordeal would end, so it was best to be safe than sorry, after all. She’d even found use for the backpack’s fabric, making for a makeshift bandage if the situation ever arose, though she hoped that it wouldn’t.    
  
Letting go of the bated breath she held in her lungs, Kanon’s exhaustion began to seep through. Her legs thankful for the rest at long last, while the ache of overworked muscles began to take over. Even her consciousness began to sleep steadily, eyes burning and mouth dry, but she forced herself to stay awake. While not particularly athletic, she knew that she was at her limit. Digging into her bag again, she felt around with a shaky hand for her loaf of bread, fingers momentarily brushing past something cold and hard, almost metal in sensation.  
  
She didn’t want to think about it.  
  
As she finally pulled out her loaf, she tore off a piece smaller than the size of her hand; this was all that she would have, this would have to suffice for the day. She chewed slowly, tearing into the bread a little at a time to savour it; not because it was particularly any good, but because it was all she had. It felt dry in her mouth, but it was enough to quench the acidity burning away the lining of her stomach.  
The way she rationed her food so cautiously drowned her in melancholy, remembering her days in the shopping district.  
How the afternoons would pass with making rounds to and from different cafés, making sure to savour each new dessert or tea offered. Matcha tea in a flowery but ornate ceramic cup, warm in the palms of her hands. The sweet smell that wafted through the air as her gaze would fall out the window, head full of clouds and thoughts of luminescent jellyfish. It was everything that felt like home.  
  
And of course, her friends…  
She could never forget her second family, not for an instant.  
There were too many emotions revolving around them, too many to the point that thinking about it would make it feel as if she was being crushed in the palm of someone’s hand. That was probably what the mastermind wanted, after all. That feeling of hopelessness and chaos, just for… entertainment.  
  
  
Kanon’s thoughts came to a sudden halt as the bushes began to bristle, the sound of moving leaves and footsteps grew louder with each passing moment. She quickly held in yet another breath.

  
Someone was there.

  
Were they here to hurt her?

   
Should she let herself die at their mercy? Or fight back?  
  
But… she wouldn’t do it. No matter what, she wouldn’t pull out the weapon. There was no way she could hurt anyone. They wouldn’t hurt her. After all, they were all friends, weren’t they?  
  
Yet, it took just one thing to remind her how naïve her thinking really was.  
  
Her heart caught in her throat, pulling her knees closer to her chest as a lump formed, remembering the eerily cheerful announcement from earlier.  
“ _Two of your friends have died today! Lisa Imai was killed just within the first few hours of the game, and Tomoe Udagawa... well, you all know how that went._ ”  
  
Marina spoke as if she had been announcing the weather, sunny skies and pleasant conditions for the rest of the week, with a rather eager chirp in her voice.  
That might’ve even been true, but none of it mattered more than the fact that blood was willingly shed a second time by one of their own friends.  
It was the undeniable truth that clawed relentlessly at the back of her mind.  
  
_‘But…’_ She thought, shutting her eyes, mind racing from adrenaline despite her blood feeling cold at her fingertips as she gripped the sides of her arms, ‘Even if they’re here to… kill me, I’ll let it ha—'

  
“Kanon… is that you?”  
  
That voice…  
A small gasp escaped her lips, the fear-induced iron grip on Kanon’s arms eased as a familiar voice filled the air, filled her to the brim with warmth. Slowly opening her eyes, she chanced a look at the owner of the mystery voice.  
  
  
“Kaoru-san…?” Her own voice sounded foreign after not speaking for so long; raspy, quiet, and hesitant. As if the image of the worn-out prince standing before her would shatter into a million pieces, like mercury, if she so much as breathed too harshly. As if the familiarity was a dream in itself, Kanon was scared to let go of it, just to find out that the ground beneath her feet was also just an illusion.  
But it couldn’t be. She wouldn’t let it be.  
  
Kaoru’s voice was soothing, never-changing, as she spoke to the timid girl, “I’m happy to have found you safe after all, kitten.” A gentle smile resting on her lips, relief washing over as her crimson eyes searched for visible injuries on the other.  
  
Those two words clicked in Kanon’s mind.  
  
_Found you._  
  
And only those two words lay at the tip of her mind, leaving her slightly breathless, a smile growing despite her lips quivering at the realization, “Of course you’d find me. You always do.”    
  
Her legs protested in waves of joint pain, but she still sprung to her feet nonetheless with every last bit of energy she had, throwing herself toward Kaoru and locking her arms around in a desperate embrace.  
Just to make sure that she was real, that the heat of her body pressed against her own wasn’t an illusion. To make sure that she was safe.  
  
  
And for the first time since it all began, she could finally let her guard down and cry.

 

 

* * *

 

  
  
Mornings had usually started off slow, but today was _exceptionally_ slow.  
  
  
Kaoru kept tossing and turning, finding ways to block out the light, and resisting getting out of bed with every last bit of her energy. Every flowery excuse and dressed up lie was transparent enough for Kanon to see right through her act; and it was concerning, to say the least.  
Usually, Kanon was generally forgiving when it came to Kaoru’s persistence to stay in bed, often staying by her side even. Yet, as the taller cocooned herself in a comforter for more than an hour, Kanon's lips pressed into a fine line as she started to grow mildly… impatient.  
  
It was a _Saturday_.  
There were plenty of errands they had to take care of, groceries to do, possibly people to visit, things to clean. In fact, it was usually Kaoru who would be the more responsible of the two of them, which made this entire ordeal even stranger. At least, she would usually be the one to take initiative.  
   


As much as she’d like to, this was not the best time to be lazing about.  
  
  
Kanon pried open the comforter, hastily unwrapping it like an abnormally large present, but with the usual excitement replaced with exasperation.  
Hoping to meet crimson eyes, she was disappointingly met with eyelids forcibly sealed shut, so much that her eyebrows furrowed. “Kaoru, will you please open your eyes? It’s been three hours…”  
  
Kanon was sure that her quiet plea fell on deaf ears, but surely enough, Kaoru’s eyes slowly opened to meet the other’s.  
What was beyond what words could express could be seen in Kaoru’s eyes. A tired, regretful look buried deep in them. All of it hidden behind a meek smile.  
  
  
Kanon has only seen this look once or twice in the years that they had been dating.  
Each time, it was because of Chisato’s death anniversary.  
  
  
Her eyes darted to the small electronic calendar mounted beside the bedroom door, and there she saw _‘August 1 st’ _blinking back at her, almost taunting her for her momentary disbelief.  
She had no choice but to suspend that disbelief, after all, it was difficult for the both of them, but it was still reality.  
  
Kaoru had remained silent as it all settled in for Kanon, balancing herself on the edge of the mattress as they both gave each other the needed silence to remember their dear friend.  
Chisato, while blunt and upfront, had always been a hard-worker in the most professional manner; an earnest and honest person who became a treasured _someone_ to the two of them. It had taken her time, but she learned how to be friends, how to have dreams and share them with others. She wasn’t perfect, but Kanon and Kaoru loved her regardless.  
  
And yet, even as the static from the announcement came to a halt, they couldn’t forget the chill in their bones. They didn’t want to believe in it. They _didn’t_ believe in it. Not until they could see with their own eyes the truth that lay before them.  
  
Not until they could see her lifeless body before them, blonde hair affray and arms spread out as if she was inviting an embrace, solid proof of Marina’s menacing words being more than just scare tactics.  
  
Even though years had passed, it was still just as difficult to process as before.  
It made Kanon upset to think that one day, there might be a day that coming to face Chisato’s death anniversary would become a practice to them; that it wouldn’t mean anything to them, that it wouldn’t have just as much of an impact on their lives as years prior. She didn’t want it to be that way. It was a promise to herself, and to the victims of that cruel game, that she would remember each and every last one.  
Not so that their memories plague their lives with what could have been, but so that their memories can reside peacefully among them, filling in the shoes of their daily life as if they’d never left at all.  
  
Maybe it was wishful and naïve thinking, but sometimes Kanon preferred it that way.  
  
A small chuckle resounded from Kaoru was the first thing to break the silence.  
“How unsightly of me, kitten… I’m sorry you had to see me be so stubborn and—” Before she could say anything more, a hand had clamped her mouth shut. With a distressed expression lacing her features, Kanon spoke softly as to not break the fragile atmosphere between them, “Please don’t ever apologize for your feelings again.”  
  
Kaoru’s mask began to break away, piece by piece.  
  
“You can be honest around me, Kaoru. I don’t need you to be someone you’re not just for the sake of keeping me happy”  
  
Kanon brought her hands to Kaoru’s shoulders, gently laying on top of her, resting the side of her face on the other’s collarbone as an affectionate hand began to slowly sweep through her sky-blue hair.  
Hesitant, careful, but warm.  
  
As golden light poured in, with nothing but the sound of their quiet breaths to keep track of time, Kaoru’s eyes wandered to the dust particles that weightlessly drifted in the air; illuminated, itinerant, almost like fireflies that were too shaken to settle. Almost like the fireflies they’d seen that night during the escape, as if they too, were plagued with the guilt and horror of the survival game as well.  
  
Kaoru felt that she was no different.    
  


 

* * *

  
  
  
The air felt frigid around them despite the summer heat.  
  
Or perhaps it had been the circumstances that made their bodies feel colder than it actually was. Maybe Hell had just frozen over without them knowing. Beyond all reason, it was Kokoro who had imprisoned them.  
  
Their beloved friend, someone they trusted with their lives.    
  
And yet, they found their lives were now forfeit in the hands of Misaki and Hagumi, who’d agreed to play a “game” with Kokoro in return for their freedom. Such chances of freedom had already been tested when they attempted to outrun and escape her grip.  
  
Turning corners whenever possible, trying to find their way out of the labyrinth-like prison. Kaoru’s lungs ached for air, but her grip on Kanon’s hand as she ran alongside her never ceased, almost crushing in desperation. Not again, she couldn’t lose another person she cared about. Not to an unsightly death, not to perilous madness.  
  
They were so close, the exit was within their reach.  
   
But before Kaoru’s hand would reach for the iron door handle, she could hear Kokoro’s voice resound like a bell beside her, arms suddenly wrapping around both Kanon and Kaoru as damp rags were pressed against their faces to suffocate.  
“Heeey!” Kokoro’s whining chirp was the same as ever, and yet, Kaoru couldn’t help but feel goosebumps line every inch of her skin as she struggled to break free. “Where do you two think you’re going? You _know_ you’re not allowed to leave yet…!”

  
The two of them struggled against her, feeling their strength being sapped away as their eyesight began to blur despite them, leaving everything to fade to a cold, empty, blackness.

 

The next thing they knew, they were locked up.  
  


It was terrifying, to say the least.  
Everything that lead up to this point had been. Days full of fear and nights full of anxiety, unknowing of which day would be their last. But that’s why they’d been determined to stay by each other’s side. They believed that, if nothing else, they wouldn’t betray each other.  
  
In a jail cell that held nothing but the grime on the walls, and each other’s presence, there was surprisingly little to be said. Even as Kaoru held Kanon’s body closer to her chest with every stirring noise in the distance, Kanon couldn’t find the words.  
But looking into Kaoru’s eyes, tired yet gleaming crimson despite the low light, it was clear to Kanon that there were untreated wounds beyond what she could touch.  
  
Kanon never considered herself talented. Rather, she thought herself to be rather ordinary, a bit of a pushover, easily shaken. There were holes in the confidence she wore as a tattered veil, and yet, she wanted to be the one to reach deep and heal her.  
She wanted to see how far she could dive, not enough to hurt her, but just enough to treat the wounds she’d piled layers upon layers of faux bravado over.  
  
Kanon knew that Kaoru was the last thing from a coward, but her negligence only deteriorated her; chipping away piece by piece at the eccentric and charming theatre prince she used to know.  
  
She would heal her.  
  
She would stay by her side.  
  
In a quiet, shaky voice, she began, “Do you… by any chance feel guilty?”  
  
It took a moment of stunned silence for the question to sink in, Kaoru’s expression deterring for a fraction of a second, coming and going before a moment’s notice, “I… don’t know what you mean? Kanon, where is this coming from?”  
  
Clear hesitation was heard in her voice alone, and Kanon knew that as much as it might hurt, it would be better to press on. Taking a deep breath, she let the stuffy air sit in her lungs before she spoke again.  
“I mean, do you feel responsible for what happened at the beginning?”  
She let the question hang in the air momentarily, before Kaoru slowly formed her next words, “How… do you know?”  
  
Violet eyes cautiously lowered away from Kaoru’s vulnerable gaze, “When Rimi-san was chosen but hesitating, I noticed you were about to stand up… but—”  
  
“Tomoe was killed because I wasn’t quick enough.” Kaoru’s expression became unreadable, clouded with a different kind of emotion Kanon had never seen before. “Isn’t that right?”  
  
Kanon’s eyes widened, panic setting in the pit of her stomach.  
Did she think that she was accusing her?  
  
“K-Kaoru-san! Please!” Kanon cried, no longer caring to control the volume of her voice, but pulling Kaoru down with her arms draped by the nape of her neck into an embrace that might somehow convince her otherwise by touch alone. But it wouldn’t be so easy.  
“I’m not trying to accuse you, I promise… I don’t blame you, I never will. I—”  
  
“But you’re not wrong, my dearest kitten…”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“I was slow on the uptake… it is my fault. I could never blame Rimi for whatever happened either, as she was terrified. And to be truthful… so was I.”  
  
  
Something akin to calmness settled between them, and for the first time, Kanon realized what Kaoru looked like without her mask on.  
Without a princely façade to fall back on in times of insecurity, without covering up her trails in glittering stars with each step. No Shakespearian dialect could salvage this moment between them better than the silence that resonated somewhere deeper within them.  
  
  
She was just an ordinary girl, after all.  
  
  
And Kanon wasn’t the slightest bit disappointed. Far from it.  
This was who she had been longing to meet all along.  
  
  
“Even if it cost every bit of me, I at least wanted to protect you, Kanon.”  
  
  
Something warm stirred within her at those words. Comforting, grounding, and familiar, just like Kaoru’s strong arms holding her securely against her chest, as if her having her near meant that all would be right with the world. What would be considered, as Kaoru herself would say, a fleeting emotion by most, Kanon had never been more sure of it in her life.    
  
  
“Even if we die here, then I’ll—”  
  
  
“Kaoru-san, will you look at me for just a moment?”  
  
  
Her eyes flit to the girl cradled in her arms, who’d brought her hands to the sides of her face, who’d been softly pressing her lips against her own for moments uncounted; unlike any theatre performance, there were no mentions of fireworks, there was no sweet taste, but it was a reminder of what was real and what was present in that very moment.  
Kanon’s affections that poured from her, unspoken, but so very raw and pure within the breath they shared between them. Kaoru could only wonder if this was what it meant to have a happy ending, and if one ever existed, she was sure this was it.  
   
  
As their lips silently parted, the warmth of their proximity slowly dissipating, Kaoru could only wonder how and when she began to cry.  
  
  
Running a gentle thumb along her cheek, Kanon could only look on in endearment, determination in her eyes as she spoke soundly, “No matter what, I’ll be by your side even after this is all over.”  
  
  
Kanon had never been more confident about a promise in her life.  
  


 

* * *

  
  
  
“Are we ready to go?”  
  
  
Kanon hastily packed the rest of her purse, making sure that she wasn’t leaving anything behind. In her mind, however, she knew she was stalling; going outside was still a task for Kanon.  
She could no longer make trips to the store on her own without the paranoia of being kidnapped overtaking her senses. She could no longer look at the megaphones mounted on lighting fixtures without anticipating Marina’s voice announcing the next friend who died. Even Kaoru still had nightmares about the things that happened on the first day; the anxiety of possibly having another friend or loved one slip away from her fingers.  
  
Surely, a lot had changed.  
   
  
“Kanon…” Kaoru started, holding out an open palm to her partner, “Do you still want to hold my hand?”  
  
  
It wasn’t a question to insult her, and they both knew that. Letting a gentle smile rest on her lips, Kanon carefully answered, “I don’t think I need to do so for safety if you’re beside me anyway.” She paused, voice growing slightly shyer, “But if it’s alright with you, I’d… just like to hold your hand casually.”  
  
  
A reciprocated smile and endearing wink were all that they needed before intertwining their fingers and stepping out into the daylight, under clear blue skies lined with nothing but crossed streaks of vapour trails from jet engines.  
  
  
It was under the same blue sky that hung over their heads when it all took place.  
But it’s under the same blue sky that they would heal, as well.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> does a dancey
> 
> also, at the time of this fic, these characters are indeed alive. mostly everything is complicit to the AU apart from my own flowery bullshit and interpretations. basically, stuffing. hope you enjoyed that stuffing.  
> see you next time, fellow gays


End file.
